When I first made this blog, I wanted to be like everyone else.

Have my muse fall in love

Have my muse mean something to someone

Have my muse be successful, especially after some character development.

And it happened for me, my muse gained friends, fell in love multiple times, has been through incredibly rough times, but overall she was successful

But as time ticked on, I kinda realized:

Neither I, nor my muse, are happy, even with all of these luxuries, I couldn’t feel the joy in it. 

And you know! Maybe it’s my fault! Maybe the way I’m feeling is the cause of my neglect, not only to my character, but to the people around me. I leave often, I’m usually busy, whenever I make friends around here, they either soon deactivate, or I lose touch with them all because I’m horrible with communication. 

I know there are some things I can’t help, but there are some things I can, and I haven’t really found the motivation to do so.

I have a few amazing friends here. One’s who my muse has been there for through so much, and though I’m making this post, I know the reason why I haven’t gotten rid of this account completely is for those few who mean something to me and my muse, the people who helped me get this far. 

It is my fault. it’s my fault because I don’t have the motivation or the actual confidence to interact with other people and roleplay here for long amounts of time like my friends here have. I don’t blame people for moving on. Who would want someone holding them back?

I’ve tried making my oc so independent that she would only have to rely on herself, in order to make sure her friends would be okay. But that’s not what i wanted for her, and now it hurts to get on this account.

I want to keep trying. I want to be here for the few friends I have, I want to be here so that I can give back to those who gave so much to me.

Maybe it is my fault.

And I’m sorry.

I don’t want to leave.

But maybe, I’m not cut out for roleplaying.